Gourd Clae

We spoke with Gourd, an indie game developer making games using RPG Maker.

QRM: Can you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do in the games industry?

Gourd: For sure! Like you already know, my screen name is Gourd Clae and I'm a 19 year old pansexual man from New York.

I'm an indie game developer who who has made a home on rpgmaker.net and I primarily use the RPG Maker engines. RPG Maker engines are very accessible by the way. I would definitely recommend them to someone who wanted to ease their way into the game developing life.

Anyway, I'm just a hobbyist so all of my games are free and have a lot of love in them. Sometimes even queer love! Scandalous!

QRM: How long have you been involved in the game industry, and what projects have you worked on? What are you working on currently?

Gourd: I've been involved in game development since I was 13! I joined rpgmaker.net on my 13th birthday after lurking on it for a while and the rest is kind of history. Although I'm not super prolific, oops!

I've finished 3 games: Razed are the Powerful, Mechanima, and There's Beauty in the Bleeding. TBITB is actually one of my more queer games, which is why it's a shame that it's a glitchy mess currently. (It's very pretty though. Probably one of the prettiest I've ever worked on.)

Currently I'm working on a game called Degree 3, which is a murder mystery game. Think along the lines of Ace Attorney and Danganronpa! The most significant twist is probably how explicitly queer a majority of the characters are. It makes writing a little more difficult though because I just want to protect all of my poor queer children...! I'll likely be releasing a demo of the game by the end of this month, which I'm super excited about!

QRM: What inspired you to get started in the games industry?

Gourd: My dad pushed me toward it a little because he saw how much I liked playing video games as a child. He bought me the PlayStation version of RPG Maker, which is kind of bad, but was enough to get me hooked on creating my own worlds and games.

It helps that, as a kid, I always complained that I could do better than the game developers on the games I was playing... 😂 I was a bit overconfident maybe! Now, I appreciate how well the developers did with their limited tools.

Don't worry - I'm not still a little snot! 😂

QRM: In what ways do you feel your experiences as a queer person manifest in the games you work on, and influence the work you do?

Gourd: There are a lot of explicitly queer characters in my games. My games are also very compassionate and introspective. I finished Razed are the Powerful before I even knew that I was not straight and it is packed queerness in varying degrees. The game has a very searching tone about it and the older I get, I can't help but see it as some weird, subconscious attempt to figure out the "weird" feelings I had. Maybe I should explain?

The protagonist of the game, Ulrika, is straight but she has a very masculine presentation and her husband in the game is much more stereotypically feminine. The plot is that Ulrika's husband, Brian, renders Ulrika unable to fight in a gladiator's tournament (via "curse poisoning") because he's worried for her wellbeing. She sneaks out at night to participate in the fighting tournaments anyway and absolutely wrecks her body in doing so. When she's close to death, Brian reveals what he's done and effectively apologizes for preventing her from living her life in a way that makes her happy.

Now, I think, Brian and Ulrika are both me. Brian is the "guilty" part of me that dislikes the "abnormal" feelings I had toward other boys. Ulrika symbolizes my "abnormal" feelings and her love for gladiator battles. She's just being who she is! I actively tried to stifle myself from acting queer, which is represented by the curse poisoning.

That might sound tragic! But, by the end, the characters agree to go off together and find a way to heal and grow around each other. The game itself was my healing and I know it brought me a lot of happiness and security for a long time...

... OR maybe I'm just reading into it~

QRM: Do you have a favourite queer character—in games or media more generally? If so, what is it about them that makes them your favourite?
Question asked by @kamienw.

Gourd: Oh my god I love love love so many characters this is hard. I'm really tempted to say Zarya from Overwatch, but that's mostly aesthetic and I don't know about her or if she's even queer. I'd like to believe. Shout out to Tingle from Wind Waker who might be a teensy bit problematic, but as a little kid I just loved him.

Garnet from Steven Universe comes to mind almost immediately. She's the physical embodiment of the love between two women gems and her design is very aesthetic. On top of that, she's so cool and collected but knows how to have fun. Steven is really lucky to have her in his life and I kinda wish I did too. She's the full, gay package, am I right?

QRM: Have you ever encountered roadblocks in trying to include queer characters in games? What do you think is preventing greater diversity within games?
Question asked by @dustinalex91.

Gourd: Mmm, if a queer character doesn't share the same kind of queerdom as me, then it can be difficult to portray them 100% accurately. I think this scares off a lot of people so they don't even try. Most people (read: me) will be happy even if the character is explicitly queer and only engages in minimal queer activities. Like, I just want to see that identity. A perfect portrayal is not necessary!

Another issue, I think, is that there is much more pressure on queer art to be inclusive than on more mainstream art. One queer character is propped up as a piece of art's portrayal of ALL people who are queer in the same way. You don't really see this with white, straight, cis characters. Of course, the lack of diversity in the first place is why this problem even exists. Everyone just wants to be represented and represented fairly so it's difficult for me to fault others for seeing something problematic and criticizing that.

Oh, and if you're really aware, you might become fearful of telling a story that's not your own. Like, I am not a trans man so telling the story of trans oppression and feelings isn't exactly my place. But, at the same time, I want to bring to light social issues. It can be difficult to draw that line between portraying a narrative that does not belong to you and making a political narrative revolving around an identity you don't share.

This is why sensitivity readers are important, kids!!

QRM: Why do you think it is important that queer audiences are able to see themselves represented in the games they play, and in the developers who make the games they see? What can we do to improve the industry for queer audiences and devs?

Gourd: It gives us control over ourselves, right? Video games are really cool in that you can escape the real world (where you may have little to no control over your life) and enter a fantasy world (where you have much more control)!

The history of video games is full of examples of straight white men being empowered and right now we're at a moment where women are becoming powerful protagonists more often. I think we can empower queer people in the same way!

I can't speak for the professional game dev industry, but if you're a queer game dev hobbyist, rpgmaker.net is super lgbtq+ friendly and friendly in general. They basically raised me when I was a queer fetus and it feels like a second home. We even had a "Gaymak" event one year (last year?) where we were tasked with explicitly creating queer characters.

QRM: Have you ever mentored somebody in your role in games, or been mentored? If so, what made these experiences worthwhile for you?
Question asked by @pepelanova.

Gourd: Sorta! In the indie community, you get close to other developers and the sagely advice flows between everyone like the waters of the nile. Uh, or something like that! 😂 Basically, I have taught people what I know, but I have been in a position of learning just as often!

QRM: In what ways can non-queer folk increase and support queer diversity present within games, as well as in the industry more broadly? How can we all work to support intersectional approaches to diversity, and why is this important?

Gourd: Just be open minded! There will be a lot you don't understand about queer people if you aren't queer. Inevitably, you'll run into a form of queerdom that will irk you, but I encourage you to listen!

If we say something that doesn't sound too nice or dismiss your opinion, it's not because we dislike you! It's just our gay agenda talking, sorry... 😂

QRM: Is there a message that you would like to share with the queer game players, game studies researchers, and other interested folks who comprise the Queerly Represent Me community?

Gourd: !! YES to all my queers, Just know that I love all of you and you won't always feel confident in what you create but that doesn't make it bad!! In fact, it's probably even better because you made it and you belong to a beautiful, compassionate community of queers~ <3

If you want to talk to me feel free! @GourdClae on Twitter. (I don't use my dms often but an @ will usually get me and you can ask me to move to DMs) or GourdClae@gmail or find me on rpgmaker.net and PM me! We can talk about whatever – I would love to talk to you. Yes, YOU. YOU RIGHT THERE!!

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You can find Gourd on Twitter and via email.
He would like to give a shout-out to rpgmaker.net.
He also wanted to share the following:
A lot of people crowdfund on twitter and it can be the difference between life or death, so here's a hashtag that I follow! Please donate!
In the same crowdfunding vein, here's a friend on twitter who's important to me and could use the money! Please donate!
Avatar by @punkittboy.