Olivia M aka Metaparadox
- Role: Amateur indie game dev
- Location: CT, USA
We chatted with Olivia M, also known as Metaparadox.
QRM: Can you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do in the games industry?
Olivia: I’m a 25 year old computer science student taking time off from school. Identities that are important to me include: queer, bi/panromantic, gray-aromantic, (gray) asexual, femme, mixed latino, autistic, chronically ill, atheist, secular humanist, feminist, and zinester. Right now I’m focusing on building a portfolio by making a bunch of queer narrative games, mostly visual novels. I have yet to have a “real job” in the industry, and my games are all free right now, so I’m not earning money from game dev yet, unless you count the few bucks I get from Patreon. I create all my games on my own, doing the art, writing, and programming, aside from placeholders or public domain assets and Creative Commons licensed audio. I typically use free game engines like Ren’Py, Godot and Unity, and I’m planning on trying out more new things as I continue to make games.
QRM: How long have you been involved in the game industry, and what projects have you worked on? What are you working on currently?
Olivia: I’ve been making little games since I was 13, but it was when I started university and took my first computer science class that I really knew that game dev (or creating other forms of interactive media) was in my future. I didn’t finish many personal projects while I was at school, but now that I’m taking time off I’ve gotten into game jams, which have pushed me to put out some demos and even a complete (if short) game.
So far I’ve released two demos and a complete game, and I’m working on two more games (not counting back burner projects). The one I’ve put the most work into is a demo of a game called Camp Ravenrock, a queer sci-fi/fantasy summer school visual novel/dating sim suitable for ages 13+. It’s still in its early stages, but I’ve already got over 40,000 words written. Players of the demo should be able to get over an hour of playtime out of it if they try to see all the things they can find on multiple playthroughs.
The second demo is really just a short prologue of a visual novel that I’m planning on working on further. It’s called The A-List, and it’s about a team of superpowered asexual high school students with “useless” powers saving the day, and dealing with Gay-Straight Alliance drama.
The third game, which is actually finished, is a short visual novel about the relationship(s) between two women in a world where eternal youth has been granted by science, at the cost of being able to retain one’s memories for longer than a few years. It’s called We Met Once, Perhaps in a Dream, and it has about 8,000 words of content. It was made in a week for a game jam.
The games I haven’t released any versions of yet are a short autobio visual novel/zine on queer femme identity called Femme Story and a queer fantasy visual novel titled Over Water, Under Hill, which is about an asexual siren and demon teaming up to defeat pirates and potentially fall in love or become queerplatonic partners. The latter game will have some RPG elements as well as the standard visual novel structure.
I also run a queer game dev Discord server with nearly 100 members where members socialize and help each other out with their projects and give constructive feedback. The Queer Game Dev server also hosts a channel for the game jam I’m running in January 2018, called Ace Jam, which is about making games with ace spectrum characters in primary roles.
QRM: What inspired you to get started in the games industry?
Olivia: I think it’s the fact that I’ve always loved building things, creating something either from scratch or using some form of building blocks. That love has always been with me, but it was when I was about 12 that I acquired some very basic programming and digital art skills. Almost immediately I started using those skills to make little games. I was hooked, but I didn’t get the chance to take a formal class in computer science until university, which only confirmed that this was something I wanted to keep doing. I don’t think I was inspired by any games in particular, though I did love playing games as a kid, but more by the possibility to create my own worlds through art, writing, and programming. More recently, game jams have pushed me towards actually completing demos and finished games and releasing them to the world. They also brought me community, and specifically queer game dev community, as most of the game jams I participated in have been queer-themed.
QRM: In what ways do you feel your experiences as a queer person manifest in the games you work on, and influence the work you do?
Olivia: On the surface level, it means that I create a lot of diverse queer characters in my games, and I care a lot about making games for queer people, especially queer young people. Many people would see my demographic as an afterthought, whereas most of my games are directed at my community. Most of my characters are some flavor of queer, or at least the protagonists are. Being a queer person in queer communities has helped me to write better queer characters with a wide variety of personalities and backgrounds and avoid harmful stereotypes.
I also have strong ties to the queer zine community, in that I make personal zines where I spill my guts to strangers, so a lot of that DIY storytelling aesthetic and sharing of feelings has characterized my work, and as I mentioned before, I’m also working on a sort of autobiographical visual novel zine about queer femme identity. Being a member of the queer community has also influenced me in more subtle ways. There is a lot of diversity in the queer community, and our focus on identity has made me very conscious of representation of marginalized groups, even beyond queer characters. It may also be responsible for my interest in creating narrative-heavy games over those that are more about gameplay or skill.
QRM: Do you have a favourite queer character—in games or media more generally? If so, what is it about them that makes them your favourite?
Question asked by @kamienw.
Olivia: It would be cheating to name one of my own characters, so I’ll say Ellen from Magical Diary, who was the first GxG romance option I’d ever played in a game. She reminds me somewhat of myself, in that she’s very studious, inquisitive, shy, and self-conscious about her appearance.
QRM: Have you ever encountered roadblocks in trying to include queer characters in games? What do you think is preventing greater diversity within games?
Question asked by @dustinalex91.
Olivia: I haven’t, but that may be because so far I’ve only worked on my own on games. But I have encountered some negativity from people who don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to have queer characters in games, or just plain don’t want to see them. I think a major part of what is preventing greater diversity in games is the mentality that people won’t play games unless the main character is the “default” cis straight white guy badass. The problem is there in the publishing and TV/movie industries too. I think we can remedy this by being stubborn about including queer characters. Studies show that people who know someone who is LGBT (and out about it) are much less likely to be homophobic (or transphobic), and when people become attached to characters, it’s sort of like they know them, so by including queer characters in our games, we’re not only giving queer people representation and role models, we might be changing people’s minds in the real world.
QRM: Why do you think it is important that queer audiences are able to see themselves represented in the games they play, and in the developers who make the games they see? What can we do to improve the industry for queer audiences and devs?
Olivia: Everyone deserves to see that people like them can go on adventures, find love, and save the day! It’s especially important that queer young people see that there are options for identification available to them other than straight. As a bi/panromantic asexual, I grew up without access to the language to describe myself, and for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me or that I didn’t fit in anywhere. I don’t want anyone else to grow up feeling that way. Also, queer people exist, therefore there should be queer people in game dev. Every demographic should be represented in game dev. That’s the only way we’ll truly be able to see the full range of diversity in games. Queer people are the most knowledgeable about our experiences, so we should play some role in telling them, whether it be in games, TV, movies or something else.
To improve the industry for queer audiences, we need better education on queerness in schools and in our media. That will help remedy issues with fear of the unknown and the stigma around queer content. We also need people in high places to speak out about bigotry and address it in work environments. We also need these people to amplify the voices of queer dev, because as things are, we don’t always get heard outside of our niche.
QRM: Have you ever mentored somebody in your role in games, or been mentored? If so, what made these experiences worthwhile for you?
Question asked by @pepelanova.
Olivia: Unless you count the advice I’ve given to fellow devs in various Discord servers and the advice they’ve given me, I’ve never mentored or been mentored by someone in the industry.
QRM: In what ways can non-queer folk increase and support queer diversity present within games, as well as in the industry more broadly? How can we all work to support intersectional approaches to diversity, and why is this important?
Olivia: I think I answered this before, but I’ll repeat it. Prominent people in game dev should amplify the voices of queer devs and help promote their work. They should also take action against bigotry and play a part in educating other non-queer people working for them and around them. Non-queer people should also do their research thoroughly when they write queer characters of their own, and ideally should ask for feedback and advice from queer people about these portrayals.
It is important that people in the game industry take an overall intersectional approach to diversity in games, because all people have a variety of identities that intersect with each other. Whether or not these people are considered “other” is up to privilege. A disabled queer person of color may seem unusual or unlikely if you are thinking from a “mainstream” perspective. It’s likely a person with that worldview is thinking of temporarily able straight white people as the norm, the default “person”, and not recognizing that they’ve got something in their identity “slots” for ability, sexual orientation, and race as well, as does everyone. A disabled queer POC just happens to have something different in their slots.
To those who say it’s rare to find someone with those particular identities together, I’d say that they aren’t that familiar with those communities. I’m a disabled queer person of color, and I know a lot of people who fit those labels as well. And we tend to gravitate towards each other. So it really wouldn’t be that strange to have a cast of characters with a majority of queer people.
Also, I despise the argument that queer people need a reason or some motivation to exist in a game or other story. That’s just ignorant! Queer people exist. We don’t need a reason to exist in stories any more than we need a reason to exist in life. Cis straight white able-bodied man is not the default!
QRM: Is there a message that you would like to share with the queer game players, game studies researchers, and other interested folks who comprise the Queerly Represent Me community?
Olivia: I’d say that ultimately, I’m hopeful for the future. Game dev is getting more and more accessible every day, and even people without programming backgrounds can make their own games now, even if they don’t have much free time. This may be scary at first, but I think we’ll find ourselves more stable eventually as more and more content is produced, communities form, and content creation and curation becomes even more streamlined.
Speaking specifically to queer people who want to get into game dev: Go for it! There has never been a better time to start than now! There are lots of supportive people out there willing to help you as well!
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You can find Olivia on Twitter or via email: metaparadox11 AT gmail DOT com
You can check out her games on itch.io, support her work via Patreon, and join teh Queer Game Dev Discord Server here.